Yesterday’s Love Is Today’s Pain

Spiritually bonded. What have we allowed to harm us? Is it the way society portrays love or do people hurt the ones they’re suppose to love just because? Spiritually bonded, yes, years of proof to back it up. All it takes to destroy a simple bond is cheating the one you love, so now what? Where do we go from here? Am I allowed to keep you near or do I have to simply reminisce of the times you made me smile from ear to ear? What a world we live in. These damn ungrateful bastards who cause emotional hazards. You fucked it up man, you had her! Why let go of the precious hand of a near perfect individual? It’s more than just the physical, it’s the emotional. Giving it your all and in the end you fall? Who is responsible to pick her back up? The ones that gave a fuck about her heart, about her love.

Now excuse me as I keep my thoughts straight. This is a very important date. It’s the day where I realized that one’s world can quickly come crashing down. That we suffer through silent screams as our daydreams become lost, never again to be found. All we can do now is shed tears that won’t mean a thing as they drop constantly on our promise ring. On the ring of the hand that used to be held with meaning. Now it feels like all along, they’ve been scheming and that this love didn’t mean a damn thing.

As I shed tears for you, know that this is true. You’re wonderful my darling. Remember these words every time you wake up in the morning. You’re an amazing person who doesn’t deserve to be hurting. Your heart is rare to find and only a fool would give it up. Believe me when I say that you my dear deserve true love. I can hug you and say everything will be fine, but all I’ll do is remind you of the time your love with him used to shine. Please don’t give up on love as it will never give up on you. Your time to be truly happy is long overdue. Hear this from me, as I know a thing or two about being in it alone. We’ve grown, and it should be known that with positive thoughts and faith, our negativity will be erased and love will find us. There will be trust to fight off the lust. There will be love.

Almost Is Never Enough

A moment captured in the moonlight. Two innocent beings walking into the distance, out of sight. Sparked conversation to shadow the silence. Talking bout ourselves and where our minds have been. Interested they both seemed. Conversation so heavy that nothing could come in between. A connection was being created. As I once stated, it was a moment captured in moonlight. One that with hope, would not be lost in the night. I’d like to say we gave it a try. Truth be told, so it wasn’t all a lie. What started off so smooth, turned into the right move that consisted of looks, laughs and hugs…and the bug. The bug that infects your mind at first and travels through your blood dying of thirst, wishing it had the course memorized, since the best way to the heart was by staring into those eyes. Surprise surprise. Failure to say the least, but never knocked off its two feet. Stand strong waiting for it all to come along. We were almost there. Like life, it’s not fair…Almost. So close. Almost is never enough. What does it really take to fall in love, fall in trust, avoid lust? Surrounded by billions, but we choose one man, one woman. Are we choosing to be two worlds apart when at one point we were in each other’s arms? Not in love, but in trust. We were on the verge of building something even the much in love would be jealous of. Our meaningful hugs. Take me back to how it once was, when almost was enough, cause we weren’t done yet, we hadn’t given up. We trusted in the attraction, that we were both playing the game of love again, out of retirement, we were back in. Poetry did me justice, with no secret likings, but a familiar substance. I’ll want you like you want me…unconditionally with no love attached just yet. Simply a friendship. Being best friends is not an option, because it comes with a love you’re not ready to let in. But let’s pretend that we knew what love was. We figured it out during our 1008th hug. No doubts, no fear. We’re surrounded by love when we have each other near. Each other’s reflection, perfect selection, nothing we’re regretting. Oh but our love is dope indeed. We planted the right seeds and we can both say I have what I need right next to me. But it will always be a fantasy apparently. Will it? Answer me. Smile please! Times are tough even when you do find a diamond in the rough. I guess we ran out of luck. We could of been on our way there, but I refuse to say almost is never enough. We’ll find love.

The Truth

Said she is the truth. Said she is so real. And I love the way that she makes me feel. The girl that lifts my spirits with every sighting or through the sound of every lyric. She sings to me whenever she speaks to me and lately I’ve been missing the truth. My life has felt like a lie without the presence of you. Honesty is such an admired trait of hers, and sure she isn’t perfect, but don’t concern yourself with the girl my heart selects. What my heart selects reflects my desire for a girl with a heart that’s on fire from warming mine. Did I mention she was fine? Fine in a sense that with all the negativity that’s in line, she manages to do just fine, and on top of that she’s the prettiest young thing in my mind. They say the truth will set you free, so watch as my spirit gets down on one knee and asks the girl of lovely positivity to enter into holy matrimony…yes marry me. Sound crazy? Well a freed spirit goes with their gut feeling. Understand why mine is kneeling? The truth is I haven’t lost a bit of feeling for you and it’s been a while of pretty much everything, it’s all long overdue. Your eyes I’m gonna stare into. I’m gonna end the streak of what I was afraid would make my strong heart weak and make my physical self drop down on one knee when we know that’s not what we need. I’m not asking you to marry me. Technically I’m asking you to be my baby, for us to love each other forever even if things don’t work out. That’s what this is all about. I’ve been lying to myself about all these girls I meet, bowing down to them, kissing their feet as if they were all queens in their teens. The truth is in you, you are the truth nonetheless. My mother told me to love the truth and never settle for less, only the best. You are the best. The one that should be with me on a Friday night, head on my chest watching Netflix. Truth be told, girl I adore you more than ever. I miss how your hugs would make everything better. I can’t believe you’re real, you’re really the truth. I can see myself one day loving you.

VNM (IMY x 60)

A few months ago I met someone. She isn’t just anybody people, she’s amazing. Now you may be wondering who she could be and what makes her so amazing. Well it’s sort of hard to explain. Haha, yeah right! When’s the last time I had a hard time explaining myself? Anyways, her amazingness shall be explained. It sort of starts with her physically. When her eyes capture yours, you’re mesmerized. For me it was an instant physical attraction, but get this. The beauty I found in her goes beyond her looks. I mean yes, it’s hard to ignore her precious eyes and that smile but once you get a taste of what’s inside, you’ll understand. They say the inner beauty of a beautiful woman flows through her words, through her actions. See I’ve spoken to her and could for hours at a time. I’ve seen what she can do in the sense that she’s pure. She’s genuine. Now that’s beautiful. I’ve had the priviledge to hold her in my arms, nice and tight. I’ve felt her heartbeat. I’ve felt her warmth in cold temperatures. I apologize if you’re a little jealous, but yes yes, I’m one lucky guy. I think of her now and it literally relaxes me. I’ve seen something in this gorgeous human being that makes me believe in all that is good in this world. Whether love exists, whatever she possesses is pure gold. See I’ve never had a good look at her heart, but I know it’s a rare one. How many purple hearts have I seen in my lifetime? None until hers. Bless the person who doesn’t capture her heart, but who she gives it to willingly, for they will have in their hands what we all would die for. Forever wealthy they will be. VNM and her superpowers. I would get into it, but it drives me crazy. Yes I found Superwoman. She is vulnerable like the rest of us, but what makes her super is something I will never tell for it is my piece of her that I and only I will have and hold on to forever.

I miss you. I miss the debates. I miss the silence. I miss the looks. I miss the attitude. I miss your kind words. I miss your laugh. I miss your smile. Man, I simply miss your voice. I miss your dancing. I miss your singing. I miss your hair. I miss your hands. I simply miss your face. I miss your touch. I miss the thought of missing you. I miss smiling when I think of you. I miss getting on your nerves. I miss my secret plans to make you smile or maybe even make you cry tears of joy. I miss my made up thoughts of us doing this and that. I miss going to bed with a smile on my face because the thought of you would be the last thing on my mind. I miss dreaming about you. I miss the hopeless romantic you are. I miss skipping songs that remind me too much of you. I miss that initial eye contact when we see each other each day. I miss saying hi to you. I miss saying bye to you or goodnight. I miss calling you names. I miss checking you out. I miss you being on my mind endlessly throughout the day. I miss seeing you frustrated and laughing knowing it would eventually make you smile. I miss fighting you. I miss hugging you. I miss wanting to kiss you. I miss talking about you. I miss asking about you. I miss seeing things that remind me of you. I miss seeing that girl that I stare at thinking it’s you. I miss hearing your name. I miss our long conversations. I miss going too far with you. I miss walking in the rain after spending time with you. I miss walking in a snowstorm to go spend time with you. I miss you laughing at me. I miss you messing with me. I miss your painted nails. I miss you constantly putting on lip gloss. I miss you running from me. I miss you being “taller” than me. I miss walking you in the cold. I miss almost telling you my biggest secret. I miss your birthday. I miss you saying “we’ll see”. I miss being your dance partner. I miss randomly dancing passada. I miss you mocking me. I miss hesitating to speak creole to you. I miss writing about you everyday. I miss you saying things that I always say. I miss you checking up on me. I miss holding you, never wanting to let go. I miss you more than ever.

On To The Next One

What occupies our souls is something we’re sometimes unsure of. We meet people constantly, not knowing what effect they’ll have in our lives. We bond and make memories, ones we’ll never forget. We talk to a significant amount of persons without realizing what we have just done. For example, you have just captured something in me that the world has never seen. I might just be another human being to you and it’s on to the next one. Unfortunately that is the case. We move on so quickly from those we have touched. Attention seekers take over this place we call home. They love the attention from as many individuals as possible making it hard for them to focus on what’s in front of them. Their surroundings become them. They’ve lost themselves.

On to the next one is the mentality those have who are not willing to put forth the effort. They push away and push away until they begin to run away from a reality that is the only reality that exists, not the one we make up in our heads. And they’ve lost themselves. Those that attempt to approach to help are cast away by devilish looks or fake smiles. On to the next one, the words that can mean so much. Maybe one has grown and is ready to move on to better things. Maybe one hasn’t had enough and wants to experience the world in a sense to the point where they lose control and forget which way is home. Now they’re stranded in a life they only temporarily desired. How sad. Now they spend moments alone with streaks of tears that will dry up because they have nothing and no one to dry them up for them. They can do it all by themselves. They never needed, just wanted.

J

Out of sight most of the time, but comes around on the drop of a dime. A dime I carefully keep in my grasp unless what I desire is unmasked. What is it that you ask? It’s a diamond in the rough. One you find simply out of luck. Man, J warned me about this. J said that it comes with a lot of shit. J comes with it. But who the fuck is J to control me, to tell me that I’m a piece of shit, that I’m not worthy. That I’m in love with the thought of love when I actually have a fuck love mentality. And actually, love fucks you up completely. Secretly it eats at your heart, tears it apart and tries to make its way to your soul and eats it up until you lose control and think life isn’t worth living even though Jesus died for your sins and trust me that you’re forgiven. But the real thing that I noticed is that when you sing, the emotion comes out, you don’t sing you shout, you don’t smile, you tear up cause your heart is torn up and nobody gives a fuck…including you. You lost the faith that once was there and nobody fucking cares. You find a quiet place and you stare at what’s not there and find yourself thinking crazy thoughts, calling girls hoes, bitches, thots, but what you forgot is that women are a blessing with no disguise. They can be the devil in your eyes if mistreated, and I’ll repeat this. Woman are a blessing with no disguise sent down from the Heaven skies to better our lives. Damn J, what the hell have you done to me? You thought you’d make fun of me, take away my faith and run from me? Take nothing and run from me! Because honestly the thought of you disgusts me. You’re a no good, piece of shit that yeah, shouldn’t be played with. You never leave though and I hate it. I shall push you away J and leave back all the memories. My heart will go on, just hope that what I had will remember me. I’ll save every word that I’ve written in this notebook. I’ll always remember my sunshine on a cloudy day and all the other things J took.

Daydreaming (Live It Over Again)

Imagination running wild. Hair perfectly styled. The daydreaming has begun. Beauty never fails to show her face. At the right time, she’s always at the right place. My heart she has won. Daydreaming on a rainy day, your smile is my sunshine. Your heart is mine, your heart is mine. Love exists in my dreams. We talk everyday, we hug every chance we get. We’re on our way to a place called happiness, closer we get with every step. This is exactly what it seems. Queen, I bow down before thee. Cinderella Cinderlla, won’t you go to the ball with me. We’ll stay together beyond the midnight hour. The Leaning Tower of Pisa, the Eiffel Tower. Eat some Italian pizza, run through a Cape Verde rain shower. Let’s explore the unexplored and make the world ours. Earn a degree, pursue our dreams. Become the ultimate duo, the dream team. It’s a cold world so let’s warm each other up. Memories created through daydreaming. Am I really dreaming or more like plotting and scheming? Haha, in my dreams I laugh at love.

Daydreams have always existed. The ones I used to have weren’t exactly what I pictured. Those times are cherished and I continously remind my friends. If I could, I would live it all over again. Maybe i’d make things different. Maybe i’d act after I took the time to think. I’d write, but keep everything to a minimum. Change up some words maybe, use their synonyms. I said too much too fast, too early. I should of just quietly adored the smile, the eyes, the hair being curly. But I honestly just think about how it could of been if I apporached it differently. Who knows, I approached it perfectly apparently. But that’s not the point, I’m trying to make you understand. I’m a scarred man. My intentions were to keep it all to myself and I mean not writing would of helped, but that helped keep it all going. A lot of things were said in the beginning that maybe some we shouldn’t of been knowing. But I loved it and what the law of attraction finally sent. I’ll daydream some more and live it all over again.

Where Did He Go? (I’ll Tell You Keri)

“Everybody’s telling me to wait for you to call back
(Can you tell me where did he go?)
But I don’t never want another girl to come get that
(Can you tell me where did he go?)
My train of thought is gone and now you’re running on the same track
(Can you tell me where did he go?)
And now you’re leaving me to find out where you been at
I’m a mess right now. Out of order, I’m torn up, I’m going down. Won’t you hold me together, I’m pouring out. I need you, that’s how I feel. I refuse to believe you do not think of me like I do you. If I’m right then show me, come through. I’ve been needing you lately.”

I apologize for apologizing but I need you to start realizing that I’m never gonna call back. Maybe occassionally I would to see how you’re doing, but that’s that. Actually no, that’ll give you false hope. And even though I hope that when love shows it’s face, you give it some space and allow time for you two to relate. What you lacked was the maturity needed to love me the right way and your progression wasn’t enough for me to stay so it shouldn’t shock you that I had to walk away.

“People always asking why it’s got me wearing all black
(Can you tell me where did he go?)
Stressin’ got the best of me, I really need to fall back
(Can you tell me where did he go?)
Wish I never said that you and me can never go back
(Can you tell me where did he go?)
But I just wasn’t thinking, can’t you see I didn’t mean that
(Can you tell me?)
I’m a mess right now. Out of order, I’m torn up, I’m going down. Won’t you hold me together, I’m pouring out. I need you, that’s how I feel. I refuse to believe you do not think of me like I do you. If I’m right then, show me, come through. I’ve been needing you lately.”

You killed the very soul of the love between us because you were in some rush to get in touch with this side of you that I didn’t think existed. Along the way I must of missed it. Be careful what you wish for, you might just get what you want, but lose what you need. Your lack of thinking might puncture the only heart I have, then I’ll be dead and gone giving you a reason to wear all black. Then you’ll be stressing that. You’ll be expecting me to come back and fix you what you destroyed. I can’t do such a thing without me thinking that you’ll play me again like a toy. Yeah I think of you from time to time, remember that I loved you. But why should I go back and love you, hug you?

“Because I’m a mess right now. Out of order, I’m torn up, I’m going down. Won’t you hold me together, I’m pouring out. I need you, that’s how I feel!”

How about how I feel? I always looked out for your feelings, always kept it real. After you broke my heart, you said we can never go back. Yet you still believe that you and I are running on the same track? I’m sorry, but you’ve been mistakened. You tore apart what we created and we can never go back as you once stated. So move on because I’m moving on with mine. I thought you’d always be by my side, guess I gotta leave you behind.

“I refuse to believe you do not think of me like I do you. If I’m right then, show me, come through. I’ve been needing you lately.”

Move on Keri, let me go. I’ll walk in a foot of snow to get away from this disastrous show where my life was at an all time low. I’m not coming back. Here’s your heart, you can have it back.

“Can you tell me where did you go? Hear me now. Can you tell me where did you go? Hear me!”

I hear you, but I gotta keep it moving. Our love is ruined, so better loving is what I’m now pursuing. I hope your heart doesn’t ache for long. If you believe you loved me with all you had, then move on believing you did nothing wrong. It’s part of the song you’ve been secretly writing all along. These lessons in love will allow you to love another the best way I know you know how. Let love go for now.