Scarred, Scared, Content

Scarred by our past, what we’re given in the present never seems to last. We push away possibilites cause we’re not ready for it emotionally. We let nothing in but brand new friends. We stare at what’s there, start to care, but become aware of feelings that we might have to share but we can’t cause life isn’t fair. Now we’re stuck at a fork in the road where you insist I leave you, that I go. I rather stand there but no longer allow my feelings to show because we both know that this a no go. What was expected was for us to meet halfway. I made my way, but wherever you are, you decided to stay. And that’s okay.

Scared by our future, we’re afraid to become the losers. We’re afraid to set anything in stone now because the stone may disappear without a doubt and what we thought we had will no longer be around. The persistence was there simply to get to know one another. The consistency was lacking because one or both did not want to be a bother. Again, feelings will not be shown. There was always only feelings, but I just made it known. So the poetry and the “I adore thee” and saying I miss you are things I won’t really do.

Content with the present, fine about the recent people we’ve let in. Like I said before, nothing is gonna change, I’ll remain the same. As I did state, you’re great. So let’s not debate about feelings or revealing them. Let’s just let things ride like they always have and watch how we’ll get over our pasts, look back at it, together, and laugh 🙂

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Love, I Didn’t Mean It (Moment Of Clarity)

See my last words were a bit of a dramatization. I hope all that read them has come to that realization. I don’t give up on love, I never will. I’m now just at a stand still. Real love will never hurt you. Fake love will do. If there’s something there, you’ll always feel it in the air. What have I gone through to be so relaxed at the moment? What have I heard before to not be hurt by what was spoken? You build up strength so your heart is rarely weakened. You get prepared to be pushed away during those times where you try to sneak in. It’s a painful process to be able to have this strength. Everyone is different so I can’t provide you with the proper length. At this point, I’m not apologizing. I see the old me crying and me now realizing that crying is a sign that you’re weakened, that you’ve been defeated. Frozen in time, you can’t control, alt, delete it. But you haven’t been weakened, you haven’t been defeated. You just need to dig up that garden and reseed it.

Now for a moment of clarity. What you said to me didn’t hurt me. It made me curious. Curious about what? I’m not really sure yet. See, curiousity can drive you insane. It can single handedly mess up your brain. You start to wonder about every single little detail. And how you could of made things worse if you sent this letter you have to her in the mail. I don’t believe I tried too hard, and I don’t believe we didn’t hit it off from the start. It’s a simple matter of you just don’t feel it in your heart.

Giving Up (Fuck Love)

Why don’t we give up? Giving up on love that was never there. One we never shared even though one of us dared while the other was scared or even unprepared. Fuck love, ain’t no use in talking bout it. No one is about it, we all doubt it. Let’s talk about other shit. Like relationships, or the usual lack of commitment from the opposite sex. I’m actually impressed by the dogs, the fucking insects that sting you before they die cause all they want is the sweet honey and loads of money printed on their paychecks. Kudos to me. For being who I am, a man that makes no effort to not be so bland. I’m boring, cold like a winter morning, yet I strive to warm your heart. Why did I even start ripping this gift apart to find a damaged heart that with me wants no part? Fuck, I’m talking bout love again. Love was my most loyal friend. She was my right hand, raised me into a man. I’m gonna stop with the nonsense, clear my conscious, and stop this. Almost is never enough, not even for love. So now what? Guess I’m stuck wondering what’s next for me. Is it next to me, or is it where you might be? Let’s give it up to me for being a drama queen, but making it this far without a car on a journey to nowhere, constantly writing about things when no one seems to care. Above the clouds, I was there. Now I’m buried in emotion, no longer devoted to the one that was chosen. I’m frozen in time with not a soul on my mind. I’m blind, no longer knowing where to find…you.

In The Studio

Mic check, one two, one two. Am I really prepared for what you’re about to do? You’re about to sing lovely melodies that’ll get to me and you’ll truthfully do it carefully to not make me fall too hard, scaring me. Run with it, run with it. Those runs and riffs make me shiver quite a bit. Or is it the angelic tone bringing me high, feeling stoned? I repeat your melody over and over to never feel alone. Forever in the studio, you and I, thought you should know. Hitting high notes, going low. Speed up the tempo, take it slow. Headphones on, lips inches from the pop filter. Oh how I yearn to be in the studio with her. Chaos we would stir, filling the room with the smoke of passionate music, causing a blur. Reach the heaven skies with our music, baby let’s take em to church. Harmonies so smooth and gentle that it couldn’t hurt anybody. We’re body to body, hands touch, hearts beat our unique rhythm like we’re in love. In the studio, echoes of you modulating, tryna reach the top, 5’2” but you can make it. Almost is never enough, ready for love, the truth by india arie, sexy it up a bit with body party. But we’ve hardly reached the part where we, hmmm, where we turn off all the lights, spotlight on us is only right as we make love to the mic. In the studio, where we sing because we’re happy, sing because we’re free. Sing because I’m dying for you to sing comfortably in front of me. Sing because it does no harm. Sing because you’re in the studio when you’re in my arms.

Talking Bout You

Take a glance around the corner. Close my eyes hoping that when they open I would see her. Keep my distance, I look better from a distance. But to be near her is exactly what I’m wishing. I’m on a mission. A mission to find forgiveness for how hard I’ll sometimes try to get your attention. Lemme mention that I mentioned you recently. Repeatedly I said to myself how much you mean to me. How you’re not mean to me, how much more you could be. I’m talking bout you. Who would of knew that you knew that positivity never brings negativity and how I wish you could be close to me even when you’re close to me? I’ve kept my distance but it’s time to relieve the pressure, lessen the resistance. See I’m on a mission to find a blessing that when I’m at my own wedding, there’s no second guessing. I’m talking bout you. The woman with the eyes in disguise. One that hides from the no good guys, keeps the feelings inside, but never lies. My my my. Oh how I need you in my life. Precious smile, stay awhile. Your number I’ll continue to dial to have you answer my prayers and have you stay around longer than the Nile. I’m talking bout you. Royalty, oh Lord how you’ve spoiled me with honesty and loyalty and the perfect substitute for those who falsely tried to compliment me. I’m talking bout you. The truth. My fountain of youth, my repeated rhythm of happiness, my life’s non audio loop. Precious, this is my message to you stating that I’m guessing you’ve looked past this wreckage and found truth. The truth that is I and that is you. Yes I’m talking bout you. Poetically explained, from calling you I’ve restrained, to leave you with truth. Woman, I adore you.

Compliment Me, Complete Love (I’m Back)

Wow, I gave in so quickly, but it’s for the better. I wanna talk about how I want you to compliment me, like a hot dog and a bun, we’ll go together. But in this case, how bout you simply be the person that I adore. Let me compliment you in every which way, from wall to wall, from the ceiling to the floor. Everything in life has a subsitute and of course something it compliments. They mesh well, but it doesn’t necessarily complete it. Wait up now, hold on just a minute! Can I start this over from the beginning? This has no flavor to it so I need to spice it up a bit. Lemme get a hold of my super brain powers and have this fire lit.

A woman with superpowers can take over a man’s heart. She can diagnose him with love cause she has a hold of his soul chart. She can really get to him. She can finish his sentences. She can smile and somehow make him the do the same. She always knows when he thinks she is to blame. She compliments him, and I’m not saying she says anything nice to the guy. They just go well together like the sun shining in clear blue skies. He can’t look her in the eyes, but she can without a problem. She’s the perfect frame for his lens. Compliment, compliment, oh how they move to the same groove. However she shines on the dance floor, he compliments her with his dance moves. Now you know that I want you to compliment me but please have a seat. I’m gonna explain to you how two people who compliment, in fact, also tend to have something they complete.

We are all single things, but we hope to find that other single thing that compliments us. We do so to complete this sometimes and I’ll tell you what. Love. Oh great, love again. Just end this here and press send. No, you will listen and I’ll make sure you do. Listen when I tell you that I don’t want to complete you! You can do that on your own, well with me by your side. Let me be the cheese to your macaroni and go along for the bumpy ride. Peace, happiness, and love all want to be completed. Wait sorry, what I mean is…If we can compliment each other, we can be on our way to having love be complete. See this is why I wanted you to take a seat.

I’m back, yeah yeah, I couldn’t stay away for too long. I never wanted to stop so I hope you didn’t take it wrong. I just, you know, kind of got frustrated. This decision was one I constantly debated. I can’t be away from writing about you for a long period. The same way I can’t not talk to you for a while, I’m serious. You probably think that I’m a punk cause I go days without any type of communication. I mean a phone goes both ways, I’m just saying. But check this, I…well I kinda…I’m tryna say that I….damn, I can’t say it, sorry to make you wonder. It’s something I’m tryna grab from way down under. I don’t think I fully recovered from the summer. Yeah I know, that’s pretty much a bummer. I know I can be a punk, a chooch, all of that. But let’s just say that I hope I’m not the only one that’s happy that I’m back.

100th Post (Done Writing)

Welcome eveyone! Never thought this day would come, but I’ve reached my 100th post. I know, what an accomplishment! I started this blog six months ago and it was definitely slow at first. I had my inspirations at first, but they quickly died out. Kinda wanted to give up on it all cause I wasn’t going to have any type of inspiration anytime soon. Then I met someone. I’m not gonna go into detail about her, but just understand that she was the strongest inspiration I’ve ever had. With that being said, this last post will NOT be about her. I want you all to know that I’ve come such a long way from these two lines: “I’m alone in this world with or without your assistance. I question my life, I question my existence.” Those were the last two lines of the first poem I ever wrote. Sad isn’t it? But thank you to everyone who’s ever visited this page. It was an honor to write for you all, whoever you are. This here….is my last post AND my last poem…ever. I’m not one to really shed tears anymore, but know that this will consist of tears and already has. Let’s go though! My last poem!

Our lives have so much meaning. There’s so much in this world that’s worth seeing. We as human beings are filled with so much passion and emotion. We pry on to the things in our lives that we grow to love, there’s eternal devotion. I grew up not really understanding what love was and where it could be found. But know that I’ve grown to understand that it is what makes the world go round. Our hearts don’t all beat exactly the same unless we’re having a heart to heart. The beating goes back to its original pace once we part. I’ve written about love and the beauty of it all. I’ve gone into detail about what it must mean to fall. Through it all, I’ve learned so much. Love can be really be ignited through a simple touch. Now who was I kidding when I said I wasn’t going to write about you. Do you see all this, it’s all because of you. I’m thankful in every way possible to whatever it is that brought you to me. It’s changing me in the best way, it’s making me happy. I have this smile on my face with tears in my eyes. Trust me that I don’t know what’s going on, even I’m surprised. Why am I gonna end what I love to do? Is this what it has really come to? Poetry is feeling. With that being so, what is it that you think I’m revealing? It’s feeling. Now as corny as this may sound, I’m gonna make a promise. Believe me when I tell you this, I’m being honest. I promise to always write about you in my mind and save it in my heart. Unless you don’t want me to, only you have the power to have all this restart. I’ve written to send a message that is constant. You’ve read them, but have you gotten what I’m trying to get across, do you get it?

Heart Of A Junkieee: Embracing My Addiction……..