Where do I start? I used to think about you everyday. Wondering where you are, how you are. I used to dream about your embrace. I used to smile thinking of the faces you would make. Who I am kidding? I still do. And I miss you. Sorry, is that okay? Why am I asking your permission? See, I used to have trouble with my feelings. What caused me to write all this was a bit exaggerated. What do I mean by this? In order to get my feelings across, I needed to deepen the meaning. It reflects how deep the love could be. But the problem was the action. I never reacted. I was always trying to be several steps ahead. What fun is that? Why try to be in full control? Why attempt to dictate when love arrives and how strong that love is? This makes it unnatural. This is not genuine. So I’ve learned that you allow the energy of love to take its course no matter how long it may take. Our crafts are nearly perfected through hard work and dedication. But my portrayal of this was incorrect. There may be nothing wrong with loving and loving hard, but nothing should ever be forced. My heart would beat so hard for you. I always felt this rush. It hurt me. So why continue to put myself through it? Not because I feared never having your love, but because of the fear of you never properly receiving mine. Time passes and those days become memories. How I constantly pray to do it all over again. This is not feasible in the slightest. My mark was made. But I was told that if I truly, I mean TRULY love, then I should not be afraid to love. I should not hold back my love to satisfy. I should not deter my love because it is what my heart desires to give. What I received was a gift that I was setting myself up for my entire life. The world brought you to me. Yet I felt like I always knew you. But your eyes, your smile…they were a breath of fresh air. Never had I felt anything like it. So now, you ask why I ask your permission. It is a call out for your words to bless my small ears. I promise I will listen. Because I hear you even when I’m not around you. I feel you. You left your mark. Unforced. You never asked me for a thing. Not even my love. You were just taking in the genuine care that I had for you. You are not who you were then, but you’ve grown and the pure parts of you would never fade. I believe in my heart that the epitome of who you are was shown to me. But I never looked at you as one thing. Your presence alone was not what I fell for. It was a million little things. Those things that made you…you. So as I journey through life, I hold dear to my heart the memories. And I want you to know that I meant every word. You helped me become honest with myself about how I feel by simply being you. And in return, I was honest with you. And my heart never forgot about you and that feeling you gave. But I am at ease. And I do, as I stated, love you. No matter the time or distance, that doesn’t change. I don’t try to make it change, nor do I force it upon the world. I just let it flow. Because I believe that the world will send it in the right direction. It is the million little things that I carefully observed and truly admired. A work of art. Perfection in the eyes of the lover.
I miss every little tiny thing. And that’s okay.
HeartOfAJunkieee 